To give you a little background on our city accomodations, the project rents a cottage in Nairobi year-round. It's a cute little place, and more importantly it's got electricity and HOT WATER. There's also a car that stays in town, a little Suzuki that's maybe slightly bigger than a golf cart. There's a little bit of history behind this Suzuki.
The Suzuki (whom I have dubbed "Posie," as in Piece Of Shit In Everyway") was originally purchased maybe 10 years ago and was intended to be a field vehicle. A really small field vehicle, yes, but not too tiny if there's only one person in it. Anyway, a mere 6 months after this car was purchased, two rather special researchers went out for drinks at one of the lodges across the river from their camp, and got totally plastered. Then, on their way home, they decided that it would be a fantastic idea to try crossing the river without a bridge. Contrary to their expectations, the river did actually have water in it, and both the car and the researchers were swept a kilometer downstream. The researchers didn't drown, but sadly the car did, and it never quite recovered from the trauma. So, it's been relegated to city vehicle only, and we get to use it whenever we're in town and the field vehicles need to be in the shop for maintenance (which pretty much ends up being the entire time we're in the city).
**Sidenote: I pray I never do anything that stupid, else my name will live on in infamy in the annals of Fisi Camp. The names of the two researchers who murdered the car are now listed in the training manual for all subsequent generations of Fisi Campers to marvel at.**
I arrived in Nairobi with my friend and coworker Steph (she's one of the research assistants at the other camp) to find that our dear Posie had decided that starting was just too much for her. I could turn the key in the ignition and not get a single faint sputter out of her. Not the end of the world, right? One of the skills that the guys taught me before handing over the reins was how to pop a clutch (or for the British contingent, push-start the car). Doable, and I handled the driving to start with since I had a little more experience than Steph with sensitive clutches (because really, when you can't start the car, stalling is a no-no). Aside from one minor incident where we stalled in the middle of a huge roundabout intersection and needed a push-start while irritated cars were zooming past on either side of the car, it wasn't too horrific.
We eventually dropped Posie off at the mechanic's for a night and got her back the next morning with the battery issues resolved, or so we thought, but God forbid the car actually go a full 24-hours without unleashing some new and creative form of hell upon us. That same afternoon, Steph and I decided to go watch a movie. By the time we got out it was dark, so we piled into Posie to head on home.
At which point we found that the battery was really not as fixed as we thought. The car started just fine, but we quickly discovered that the LIGHTS weren't working. They were so dim that they were pretty much non-existent. Thus ensued the Ride of Doom. Here, have an excerpt of our evening. I'm driving, and Steph is in the passenger seat.
Steph: Turn on the lights! TURN ON THE LIGHTS!!!
Me: They're on! They're fucking on! The switch says on!
Steph: WTF?! No they're not! Did you turn the right switch? Maybe you hit the wipers, try again!
Me: Do you see the wipers moving? I'm telling you the lights are ON!
*car comes speeding towards us in the oncoming lane and helpfully decides to flash brights at us because, hey, lights aren't on*
Me: ARGH OMG I'M BLIND, HIGH BEAMS!!!
Steph: Where the fuck are the lights?! This car is a piece of shit... OH MY GOD STAY ON THE ROAD!
Me: WHAT ROAD I CAN'T SEE!!! AHHHHH!!!
Steph: AHHHHH!!! ... I've had too much chocolate. Chocolate high! Chocolate high! We're gonna die and I'm high on chocolate!
Me: NOT HELPING! Is this my turn?! Is this my turn?!
Steph: Left here. NO LEFT! YAAAHHHHHH!!!
Both: OMG I FEEL LIKE I'M IN AN INDIANA JONES MOVIE!!!
Both: Soulmates!
Both: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Me: I think I'd feel safer if all we had was a boulder rolling after us.
Steph: ARGH fucking cars need to turn their brights OFF!
*car zooms past with horns blaring*
Me: OMG we're gonna die. I promised my mom I wouldn't die in Africa.
Steph: DON'T HIT THE PEOPLE! WATCH OUT FOR THE PEOPLE! ... I'm so glad we have seatbelts...
Me: WTF good will that do us?! Something hits us in this thing and we won't have the chance to go flying out the windshield, we'll just be pancaked flat!!
Steph: I don't want pancakes! No pancakes! STAY ON THE ROAD!!
Me: I can't SEE! I CAN'T SEE!! OMG, fucking BRIGHTS! Can't see past the BRIGHTS!
Steph: I can see! I can see out my window! Go over, over... NO THE OTHER WAY!
Me: Do you see the sign?! Where's our turn?! Oh shit there!
Me: Whew, ok, just one turn left right?
Steph: Where are you going?! That's our driveway!
Me: I KNOW that's the driveway! Look, see I'm turning now... AHHHHH!!!
Both: OMG HOME!!!
Needless to say, I refuse to drive that deathtrap in the dark again. I think I'd be safer with the lions.
BTW, no one played the hyena game from my last post :( Sadface. See, that's emphatically sadface even, you get the smiley plus the actual word.
More animal adventures to come in the next post, trust me I have loads!
ok! i'm going to guess: it's Bartlet!
ReplyDeleteHAH isn't it funny how the most dangerous thing you did in africa was drive without headlights? It's never what you expect it will be.
ReplyDeleteThe most dangerous thing I did in peru was go to a soccer game and wear the away team's jersey. hah.
When you get back to the states, you should ask me about the time I ripped the side door off the electric vehicle I drive at work... It's essentially my version of Posie.
ReplyDeleteHey! I played! You never answered me though :(
ReplyDelete